Looking Back

Looking Back At My Life, I See Alot Of Mistakes. Just One Year Ago, I was not in the right place spiritually. And Still to this day I dont know where i am with god. i know i am christian and i have accepted jesus as my lord and savior. But Right There, Thats where it ends. I Dont Have A Strong Relationship with god. Thats What I Have Been Working to do. My Sixth Grade Year I Started My Fist Year At Seabrook Intermediate School. I Must Admit, I Was A Trouble Maker. I Was In I.S.S Almost Every other day, I Was in the Office almost everyday! I Was On The verge of failing ALL my classes. But Then, I Didnt have firm authority from my mom and step-dad. When My Step-dad would leave for work, My mom would do her thing and then i was free to roam the roads (i never did) basically. But I Had One Major Responsibility That Not Alot of 12-13 Year Olds Had. I Had A 3 Year Old Brother, That I took under my wing Emotionally but not financially of'course. When My step dad wasnt home, I had to give my brother a bath, feed, put to bed, and chase around the house. And if it wasnt for me, i believe he wouldnt be where he is to this day. All though i look back and say "Why Did I Have To Do This?" i dont take anything back because I Love Him! And He Would Have Had A worse Life Without me there. People Reading this may think, "wow, I Cant Believe he is talking about this" The Truth Is I Dont Have A Problem Talking About this. Things Most People Are Traumatized By that i went through, I Have Moved Past Them. Anyways, Sixth Grade Was A trip. Thats When Things Basically Started To Get Bad! I Gained 25 Pounds From Eating Fast Food Every night. I Didnt Have all the hollister Polo's Like Everyone did (We wore Uniforms) I Had "Falling-Apart-Nikes" They were nice nikes but they feel apart. I Didnt Know Alot Of People. That Summer, My Brother Accidentally Burned Down My Grandparents House (My Mom's Parents). They Moved in for nine months. Throughout that time it was very akward. I Was Always Made To Clean-up after myslef when i moved in with my step-dad it just became a habit. They Didnt Always Keep A Clean House. My Bathroom Was So Clean I Could Smell Bleach. Thats Just the Way I Liked it. when they moved in, they didnt really clean up after themselves. They Had Clothes All Over The bathroom floor. I Just Didnt Roll That Way. I quickly noticed what was going on, and informed my parents. This started "The Flashbacks" I Like To call it. My Mom Didnt necesarrilly have the best child hood. My Grandpa Had A Motorcycle. He Would Go Out And Drink and then come home and be not so nice to my mom and grandpa. Of'course when they moved in he placed his motorcycle in our garage. My mom told me that just the smell and sound of it would bring back the bad memories. She Got Deep Into Her Deep Depression With Her Drugs. It Wasnt That Bad for me then because i had my grandparents there with me they protected me and helped me get through then. But when they left, It was a dramatic change. We were so ready for them to leave when my grandparents left, my mom and i packed all their stuff and put it all by the front door. My mom even took the time to take a picture. What A comedian she was. They left around that christmas time. It Got Awful For Me. i Began Taking care of my brother and taking care of my MOM. after that school year ended i moved in with my dad. That whole summer my mom bribed and bribed me to come back. I Was and still am a materialistic person. I always want new stuff, I know its awful! Well Long Story short She Bribed Me Back With A cell phone. Which So Far, Was The Worst Decision Of My life. If I wouldnt Have Went Back, She Would Have Died A Long time ago. Seventh Grade Year She Was In And Out of rehab every two months. finally in march she decided to go to rehab and she decided in my best intrest i should go live with my dad. Thank God He Said YES! then it was just a losing battle with her. Everytime i would get my hopes up, that she would get better, she would bulldoze them down. It Was so much hurt on my heart. With Moving in with my dad i started a new school. I fought it at first but eventually this school made me a better and stronger person. As Much As I Dont Like to even think this in my mind, with her death it had caused me less pain. It Definitely gives my brother a chance in life now. and me. I guess. But No Matter what, its still VERY HARD! And With What i have already Handled, Im sure i can handle and get through this!



-Tyler.