Most Kids Can't Wait For Summer To Come. Although I Wish Too, I Still have other things to think about, than just summer. My mom died in the summer. I Want this summer to be awesome! I want to do so many things that i dont want to think about it. Well, Thats Not gonna happen. It Just Sucks! It Just Has That Sucky Feeling. I Have A Weight Tied onto my heart that will not fall off it seems. No Matter how hard i try to get the thoughts out of my head the weight sinks me back down. Its Almost Been A Year. A Whole Year Without talking to my mom. without hearing her voice, without seeing her. God, Please Get Me through this. Do You Know How Many Days I Want to turn but never look back? I Can't. I Still Want to wake up, From this awful nightmare. But Nobody has yet, or ever will. I Miss Everything. They Way It Used To be (When it was good). I Remember So Many days waiting till' she got home, then when she did, she would rush off to her room to do her crap! Well the point of this wasnt to gripe, and complain and be sad, It Was to show how i am doing now. But Even At School i have this shield. I Look So Mean And Uncaring on the outside, But in the inside thats not me. Its not me to be non-exhistent. So Many Lonely Nights Where I Would Sit on my couch, by myself, Those Memories Will Never EVER go away even if i tried to forget them. I Just Want her to be back and all my problems will be solved. But I Have To Keep telling myself that wont happen. All the time when i get real deep down in thought, ill have crazy ideas that my mom had a crazy evil twin. and 5 years ago she kidnapped her. then my parents came to get me from school and she walks in the room, then i freak out. i have never really told anybody that because im afraid what people would think. they would probaly think im some Phsychopath. I Just Wish God Would Give Me one more chance. one more chance to say i love you, or thankyou, or please. or take back any attitude i gave her. I Dont Have Anything of my mom's. Nor Will i ever probaly get anything. My Step Dad has been ignoring me. I Havent seen my brother since february. My List Just Goes On, and on. If All I Do Is Gripe It Still Wont change anything. It's Not just that my mom died its all the bad baggage she left behind too. I remember two christmases ago, she got me, and dropped me off two hours later so she could do her crap! Tonight Is Just Not A Good One For Me! Man, Thanks For Reading this guys!
Love you all.
Tyler, Scott.
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