Hello, again!

Dang! Its been forever! The last time i wrote was the day before i went to Florida! It seems like so long ago! Starting off with SLU, it went GREAT! I had the very best time! It was definitely life changing and LOADS of fun! We had meetings for 5 days talking about how to be a better christian and how to live your life, from 7 Am-2Pm! We were very sleep deprived not going to bed till' at least like 12 Am and sometimes even 4Am, Or NOT going to bed at all! LOL! It was definitely a great expirience! I met one of the best youth leaders in THE WORLD! Besides Myne, Of'Course! His Name Was Joey! And i met the coolest hicks ever from alabama! Taylor,Peyton, & Jeff! We had a blast! They rescued and saved me when my Group LEFT ME, Thats right, LEFT ME! lol.

All of the pictures are on my facebook page, if we are not friends there is a link page on the side of my main blog page! (:

Then The Big WOW!

I Started HIGHSCHOOL!

It is Scary, Fun, Dramatic, Annoying, Stressful, Etc.

Im so excited for the next four years!

I Have been making good grades, as usual!

I Have The Best friends Ever!

Madison,Maggie,Emily!

Maggie is still in J.High, But we still make time for her :)

My birthday is in a few weeks and im having A Halloween/Birthday Party!

About a month after school started my great aunt Jo died.

She was so hillarious and crazy! In her last days we spent a lot of time with her

which im greatful for! We watched the lovely bones, she loved it!

Also... The first year since my mother's passing.

That day wasnt so hard for me because we were on the road

to South Padre Island. I think I Grieved more when we got

home, then it really hit me that it had been that long, longer if

you really think about it in my case. In Teen Leadership we had

to write letters of appreciation to someone who you appreciate.

This girl wrote a letter to her mom, who also passed away only

a year ago. I started crying, and people looked at me like i was

weird. But in a since i knew how it felt. I KNOW what that girl

is feeling. I felt so bad for her, because she had the look of

hoplessness and sadness on her face, just like i did, and sometimes

do. Sometimes, when im laying in bed I think about its been

so long, she almost seems like a figment of my imagination.

Because i havent seen her, in so long she just seems fake.

I Dont know why, but it just seems that way. The last time i saw

my brother was August 11th, and that was the first time id seen

him in six months. Its sooo stressful. And also another weight dropped

on my head, I hear they are moving to HAWAII?!?! Like seriously if

anything more random couldnt have happened. I dont know

how im supposed to react to that. Last weekend I went to hang

out with my friend maggie who lives in seabrook too! It just feels

weird driving there, and knowing i lived there for ten years, and being

directly cut off. They have added so much! I just cant believe it all!

To me i think of it as a bubble i couldnt get out of, and i finally popped it.

I remember one day a couple summers ago, Me and my mom werent getting

along, she came and got me and took me to kemah. It was raining, and we went to joes crab shack. The Song "shadow of the day" by linkin park was playing. and i remember it so clearly!

After kemah we went back to her house and i stayed the night, we watched twilight and hung out. I Think that was the last day she was as real as she could get with me. I go places, and i think about when the last time i went there was, and how my mom and me went there. Or i look at my old phone, and think "Wow, my mom's voice came out of there!" I Have her last saved calls on my phone. I feel like everytime i make a blog, it ends up on her, or we talk about her, but i guess this is why i made it. If you ever get tired of it, just let me know. This is just a relief. I guess Sometimes beginnings arent so simple, sometimes goodbye's the only way.

-Tyler.

So, Hmph!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Tomorrow At Eight Pm, I Will Be On A Bus To Orlando. Ill Keep You Posted!

FLORIDA BOUND BABY!

So On Sunday July Eighteenth At Eight Pm, I Will Be On My Way To Orlando, Florida! Whewww! I'm so excited. This will be my first time going to Florida. I'm going to be going with my church and an organization called "Student Leadership University" or "SLU" to be working to spread the word of the gospel! We will also be attending Universal And Seaworld! We will be spending more than 26 hours of class and study time, in the nine days we will be there. I just wanna thank Mrs. Cromeens, My Parents, Jennifer Rahimi, and Sally (Mamo) for making it possible to go on this trip! I am so stoked about it and if I have access to a computer I will blog and post pictures. I am going with a good group and well behaved, so I will not have behavior distractions. This trip is coming at a very good time, before I have to come home and face some hard times. I am looking forward to being able to spread the word. Thanks And Love You All!
~Tyler.

That Feeling Is Coming Back To Me.

'erjio'rjgh]tpdjhy]hpofj;pmdfh'p;kljfh]pojrpombxc;lposrf-erikreohosdmfghpormhpromhopdtg. That's How I Feel. BLAH! Like Someone Just Rained On My Parade. It's Been 10 Months! Already! I Have Already Completed a School year without her. And Now, im going into highschool without her too. I have been in a bad mood, the last couple of weeks. I hope thats normal. Again, I feel more anxiety. I had some of it today. I forgot what it felt like, i even asked what it was yesterday. But, I Remember now! I Drove By my mom's grave today, and i thought, I cant believe she's been in there for ten months! And I Just started silently freaking out. My chest started to feel like it was closing in on me. it got harder to breath, then it was over. The First Time I Ever Got It, Was When She First Died. My dad told me that he thought i was depressed. My Mom Was Very Depressed. I Just Had All those bad images of her, and her depression flash in my mind! My Mom's Favorite Disney Cartoon Was Alice In Wonderland! We Watched It On The Last Day Of School. In My Own Mind, I Wanted To Be Alice. I Wanted To be her and go into that crazy world, and have somebody wake me up and it all be over, and me live happily ever after. Ya Right. I Feel Uncomfortable Everywhere. I Feel ancey! Like I Want to go run a mile or two. I Just Cant Believe these feelings are coming back. The feelings i worked so hard to go away, just slipped back in! I'm mean to my friends, to my family. I Just Want to throw my hands up and give up. Going to highschool is hard enough, and going without my mom seems impossible. We didnt even talk everyday. like we didnt even have a good relationship, and her death hit me like a mac truck! I know she's my mom, but she hurt me so much. When I thought about her death i didnt think that it would hurt me like that! I know my family backs me up 110% but i feel like they wont even put their hands up to catch me if i fall. All These Thoughts, All these emotions are spirleing! I Have to remember that god is on my side. Thats something i never forget. But Even With God, Im Still Very In A Funk still. Now I'm going to bed, to at least get this exhaustion out of the way!

Thanks For Reading Me Gripe!

~Tyler Scott Terry!

The Warm Summer Brings The, Bad Feelings

Most Kids Can't Wait For Summer To Come. Although I Wish Too, I Still have other things to think about, than just summer. My mom died in the summer. I Want this summer to be awesome! I want to do so many things that i dont want to think about it. Well, Thats Not gonna happen. It Just Sucks! It Just Has That Sucky Feeling. I Have A Weight Tied onto my heart that will not fall off it seems. No Matter how hard i try to get the thoughts out of my head the weight sinks me back down. Its Almost Been A Year. A Whole Year Without talking to my mom. without hearing her voice, without seeing her. God, Please Get Me through this. Do You Know How Many Days I Want to turn but never look back? I Can't. I Still Want to wake up, From this awful nightmare. But Nobody has yet, or ever will. I Miss Everything. They Way It Used To be (When it was good). I Remember So Many days waiting till' she got home, then when she did, she would rush off to her room to do her crap! Well the point of this wasnt to gripe, and complain and be sad, It Was to show how i am doing now. But Even At School i have this shield. I Look So Mean And Uncaring on the outside, But in the inside thats not me. Its not me to be non-exhistent. So Many Lonely Nights Where I Would Sit on my couch, by myself, Those Memories Will Never EVER go away even if i tried to forget them. I Just Want her to be back and all my problems will be solved. But I Have To Keep telling myself that wont happen. All the time when i get real deep down in thought, ill have crazy ideas that my mom had a crazy evil twin. and 5 years ago she kidnapped her. then my parents came to get me from school and she walks in the room, then i freak out. i have never really told anybody that because im afraid what people would think. they would probaly think im some Phsychopath. I Just Wish God Would Give Me one more chance. one more chance to say i love you, or thankyou, or please. or take back any attitude i gave her. I Dont Have Anything of my mom's. Nor Will i ever probaly get anything. My Step Dad has been ignoring me. I Havent seen my brother since february. My List Just Goes On, and on. If All I Do Is Gripe It Still Wont change anything. It's Not just that my mom died its all the bad baggage she left behind too. I remember two christmases ago, she got me, and dropped me off two hours later so she could do her crap! Tonight Is Just Not A Good One For Me! Man, Thanks For Reading this guys!

Love you all.

Tyler, Scott.

Looking Back

Looking Back At My Life, I See Alot Of Mistakes. Just One Year Ago, I was not in the right place spiritually. And Still to this day I dont know where i am with god. i know i am christian and i have accepted jesus as my lord and savior. But Right There, Thats where it ends. I Dont Have A Strong Relationship with god. Thats What I Have Been Working to do. My Sixth Grade Year I Started My Fist Year At Seabrook Intermediate School. I Must Admit, I Was A Trouble Maker. I Was In I.S.S Almost Every other day, I Was in the Office almost everyday! I Was On The verge of failing ALL my classes. But Then, I Didnt have firm authority from my mom and step-dad. When My Step-dad would leave for work, My mom would do her thing and then i was free to roam the roads (i never did) basically. But I Had One Major Responsibility That Not Alot of 12-13 Year Olds Had. I Had A 3 Year Old Brother, That I took under my wing Emotionally but not financially of'course. When My step dad wasnt home, I had to give my brother a bath, feed, put to bed, and chase around the house. And if it wasnt for me, i believe he wouldnt be where he is to this day. All though i look back and say "Why Did I Have To Do This?" i dont take anything back because I Love Him! And He Would Have Had A worse Life Without me there. People Reading this may think, "wow, I Cant Believe he is talking about this" The Truth Is I Dont Have A Problem Talking About this. Things Most People Are Traumatized By that i went through, I Have Moved Past Them. Anyways, Sixth Grade Was A trip. Thats When Things Basically Started To Get Bad! I Gained 25 Pounds From Eating Fast Food Every night. I Didnt Have all the hollister Polo's Like Everyone did (We wore Uniforms) I Had "Falling-Apart-Nikes" They were nice nikes but they feel apart. I Didnt Know Alot Of People. That Summer, My Brother Accidentally Burned Down My Grandparents House (My Mom's Parents). They Moved in for nine months. Throughout that time it was very akward. I Was Always Made To Clean-up after myslef when i moved in with my step-dad it just became a habit. They Didnt Always Keep A Clean House. My Bathroom Was So Clean I Could Smell Bleach. Thats Just the Way I Liked it. when they moved in, they didnt really clean up after themselves. They Had Clothes All Over The bathroom floor. I Just Didnt Roll That Way. I quickly noticed what was going on, and informed my parents. This started "The Flashbacks" I Like To call it. My Mom Didnt necesarrilly have the best child hood. My Grandpa Had A Motorcycle. He Would Go Out And Drink and then come home and be not so nice to my mom and grandpa. Of'course when they moved in he placed his motorcycle in our garage. My mom told me that just the smell and sound of it would bring back the bad memories. She Got Deep Into Her Deep Depression With Her Drugs. It Wasnt That Bad for me then because i had my grandparents there with me they protected me and helped me get through then. But when they left, It was a dramatic change. We were so ready for them to leave when my grandparents left, my mom and i packed all their stuff and put it all by the front door. My mom even took the time to take a picture. What A comedian she was. They left around that christmas time. It Got Awful For Me. i Began Taking care of my brother and taking care of my MOM. after that school year ended i moved in with my dad. That whole summer my mom bribed and bribed me to come back. I Was and still am a materialistic person. I always want new stuff, I know its awful! Well Long Story short She Bribed Me Back With A cell phone. Which So Far, Was The Worst Decision Of My life. If I wouldnt Have Went Back, She Would Have Died A Long time ago. Seventh Grade Year She Was In And Out of rehab every two months. finally in march she decided to go to rehab and she decided in my best intrest i should go live with my dad. Thank God He Said YES! then it was just a losing battle with her. Everytime i would get my hopes up, that she would get better, she would bulldoze them down. It Was so much hurt on my heart. With Moving in with my dad i started a new school. I fought it at first but eventually this school made me a better and stronger person. As Much As I Dont Like to even think this in my mind, with her death it had caused me less pain. It Definitely gives my brother a chance in life now. and me. I guess. But No Matter what, its still VERY HARD! And With What i have already Handled, Im sure i can handle and get through this!



-Tyler.

The First!

Whew! I Think Im Going to love this! I went to schlitterbahn today. Of'course it was full of drama with people, and relationships, I Stayed out of it. Ya Know, I Know That I Would Like The Idea Of Having a girlfriend But actually having to deal with her, ya no thanks! I faced a fear today, BIG HUGE SLIDES THAT DROP! They Were Fun, Fun, Fun! Anyways, I Got Jinxed. Last Week I told someone that i never get acne on my cheeks, Today what did i find? I BIG Ol' Zit Right smack dab in the middle of my cheek. I got this neutrogena stuff that is cream and you put it on your face. it looks like i have cake icing all over my face as i walk through the house. Nine and a half more days of school! (: SO EXCITED! Im Going on a mission trip to florida in july! I took a shower, and i can still smell the sunblock on my skin, Its Like It Stuck there! Im Having A Pool Party on saturday! Pretty excited! Dude, this year is going by so fast. bitter sweet feelings! Its Starting To Be Close To Summer To Make It Sink In That Around This Time A Year Ago It Happened. I Have Never Really Had Something take over my life like this. Its Like A Weight Thats Put on your heart, that never falls off. There Have Definitely Been Moments, Where I Would Love to call her and tell her about everything but i know she already knows about it. I Have Definitely Been Coping with the aftermath of my mothers death better than the rest of my family. Even though i saw the blunt of it all. No Lie, I Have Had Dark Days Where I Would Just Love To Sleep All Day And Stay In My Dark Room But The Fact Is I DONT! When you see something in a movie or T.v Show about a parent dieing, you dont get the full hands-on Feel. Not That You Should, Personally I wouldnt. This Is Probaly All BLAH BLAH BLAH to you. To Poste My Life For Everyone to see, Just Sounds AWESOME! (: Sidenote: I'm Loud And Randome! Also A Congratulations To the new Mr. And Mrs. Matt Phelps! They Got Married Last Saturday! So You Officially Read The First Blog Posted On Here!

BYE!

Tyler. Or Scott. (whatever you call me)