'erjio'rjgh]tpdjhy]hpofj;pmdfh'p;kljfh]pojrpombxc;lposrf-erikreohosdmfghpormhpromhopdtg. That's How I Feel. BLAH! Like Someone Just Rained On My Parade. It's Been 10 Months! Already! I Have Already Completed a School year without her. And Now, im going into highschool without her too. I have been in a bad mood, the last couple of weeks. I hope thats normal. Again, I feel more anxiety. I had some of it today. I forgot what it felt like, i even asked what it was yesterday. But, I Remember now! I Drove By my mom's grave today, and i thought, I cant believe she's been in there for ten months! And I Just started silently freaking out. My chest started to feel like it was closing in on me. it got harder to breath, then it was over. The First Time I Ever Got It, Was When She First Died. My dad told me that he thought i was depressed. My Mom Was Very Depressed. I Just Had All those bad images of her, and her depression flash in my mind! My Mom's Favorite Disney Cartoon Was Alice In Wonderland! We Watched It On The Last Day Of School. In My Own Mind, I Wanted To Be Alice. I Wanted To be her and go into that crazy world, and have somebody wake me up and it all be over, and me live happily ever after. Ya Right. I Feel Uncomfortable Everywhere. I Feel ancey! Like I Want to go run a mile or two. I Just Cant Believe these feelings are coming back. The feelings i worked so hard to go away, just slipped back in! I'm mean to my friends, to my family. I Just Want to throw my hands up and give up. Going to highschool is hard enough, and going without my mom seems impossible. We didnt even talk everyday. like we didnt even have a good relationship, and her death hit me like a mac truck! I know she's my mom, but she hurt me so much. When I thought about her death i didnt think that it would hurt me like that! I know my family backs me up 110% but i feel like they wont even put their hands up to catch me if i fall. All These Thoughts, All these emotions are spirleing! I Have to remember that god is on my side. Thats something i never forget. But Even With God, Im Still Very In A Funk still. Now I'm going to bed, to at least get this exhaustion out of the way!
Thanks For Reading Me Gripe!
~Tyler Scott Terry!
Love you Tyler! Glad you're blogging. Can't even imagine how heavy this has all been for you. I am praying for you and will continue to pray as you navigate your "new normal". Praying that you will find peace, rest, joy & hope in Jesus.
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Andi
Tyler, even though I have never lost a parent, I know a few people who have. The feelings that you are experiencing will always be there. It is ok to feel the way you do. No matter how bad or how good your mom was to you, she was your mom. You love her. You will always love her. I am so proud to say that I know you (even though it's been a while since I've seen you.) You are a brave person. I know it seems hard right now, but trust in God. Lean on Him. Tell Him how you feel. Let Him be there to mend and heal your heart. He will ALWAYS be there for you. <3
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